Forever
by Aryanne
Summary: People drift away, but some of us are tied together. [KK]


**A/N – My first songfic guys.**** I'm having a bit of writer's block lately, so when the inspiration for this story came along, I had to snatch it. So I randomly found a website that had a whole bunch of song lyrics, went through them for a half hour until I found one I could write about, and set my feelings down on paper. It helped that this story is kinda happening to me, so I could put myself in each of the character's places. I hope you like it.**

**The song is _Forever_ by KISS.**

**Disclaimer – I don't own the group KISS or Kenshin or Kaoru or Aoshi or Sano or Megumi or Misao or Soujiro.**

**  
Forever**

'Do you know how I feel about you, Kaoru? Of course you don't. I wish I could let you know. I hate to admit it to myself, but I've done some soul searching and come up with the truth. Yeah, I'm afraid to tell you and risk losing you forever. I admit it. But I can't go on like this either. Everyone is starting to notice that I'm stuck on you and we've only been here for two hours. Everyone except you, that is.' Kenshin sighed and let his eyes stray from his dessert to the woman sitting across from him for a moment.

"What's wrong with you," the soft voice of Aoshi asked from his right. "It was your idea to have this reunion. You've barely said two words."

'What's wrong with you is more like it. You never cared about my moods before, why start now? And stop staring at me. It makes me nervous.'

Kenshin summoned a weak smile for his uncharacteristically nosy friend's benefit. "I'm just tired. My latest research project really took it out of me." That seemed to be enough to satisfy his questioning, because Aoshi finally turned his piercing stare in another direction. 'This was a bad idea. If I hadn't seen her again I wouldn't be feeling like this. How did I ever live with her my freshman year and not tell her? Well, if I did it then, I can do it now.'

"Why so down, Kenshin? You should be happy things are going so well. Thanks again for planning all this," Kaoru said, looking directly at him from across the table.

'All this? All this was only an excuse to see you. I thought I could live with our faded relationship after these past couple years, but I had to see you one last time to prove to myself I didn't care about you. It's too bad I've proved myself wrong.'

"No problem," he managed to answer naturally. "It was good to get my mind off work. I hope you're having fun."

"Of course I am. There's no place I'd rather be then surrounded by all my friends. It's like old times."

'I wish you would stop smiling so brilliantly at me. It's hard to take when I know you don't mean anything by it. You smile like that for everyone, even Aoshi.'

"Close enough, I guess," Kenshin shrugged with an indifference he didn't feel.

"Would you mind walking me back to my apartment," she asked, still with that smile. "It'd give us a chance to catch up. We used to be really close."

'Is that a trace of wistfulness in your voice? Well I'm feeling it just the same. We did used to be close. What happened to us? Life, I suppose. But sure I'll walk you back. I'd still do anything for you, you must know that. I wish I could tell you that. And maybe now that we're not close I can finally tell you what I've kept bottled up for three years, now that there's no friendship to be hurt by me telling you.'

"Sure. Where are you at now, anyway?"

'It's so easy to fall into a rhythm of just watching you as I listen to your voice with half an ear, as I listen to you talking about your plans for this summer and next year, now that we'll both be graduated. And that false strength is coming the longer I look at you, the false strength I need to tell you.'

_  
_

* * *

_ I gotta tell you what I'm feelin' inside,__  
I could lie to myself, but it's true_

* * *

  
"Thanks again for planning that dinner, Kenshin. Everyone had a wonderful time. And thanks for walking me home too."   
  
'I wish you would stop thanking me. There was a time when we were so familiar with each other that you wouldn't have bothered thanking me. Silly girl, you don't have to thank me for being with you.'   
  
"It's no problem, Kaoru. Stop thanking me, it's embarrassing," Kenshin mock scolded as they walked down the city sidewalk. "So what have you been up to besides school?"  
  
'See what we've come to? That's the kind of question people ask each other when they have no clue what's going on in each other's lives and only care now because there's nothing else to do at the moment. I could strike up the same conversation with any student at the college.'  
  
"What else would I have time for besides school?" she shrugged. "I'll be happy when we're finally graduated. I had to work head over heels just to make time for tonight. It was worth it. I'm glad I got to see everyone."  
  
'It's so frustrating being just one of the crowd, just one of 'everyone', but I'm grateful to be one of the crowd all the same. And it's worth it all to see you again, to walk with you like this. If anyone we know comes along, I'll strangle them, I really will.'  
  
"Me too. It was nice seeing that some people hadn't changed," Kenshin agreed. 'That you hadn't changed much, and even so, I like the changes that did happen.'  
  
"Yeah. Aoshi was as composed as ever, and Sano was a pig as usual. At least now he has money to pay up." They stopped at a crossing and she looked up at him, cocking her head to the side. "Does he still owe you money?"  
  
'More than you know. I'm waiting for him to get rich so I can collect the interest, but why are we talking about Sano now? I want to talk about you, especially when you look at me that way, with that hesitant half smile. You never used to hesitate before.'  
  
"Yup. I don't see him much, and he always manages to weasel out of paying up whenever I do."  
  
'And Kaoru, did I ever mention how much I loved your eyes? Only you, only you could have me feeling all sappy and love struck in a couple hours after three years.'   
  
__

* * *

_There's no denying when I look in your eyes,__  
Girl I'm out of my head over you_

* * *

Kaoru laughed as they started walking again. "That's Sano. I think he even owes me money. So how have you been, Kenshin? Got a girlfriend? I heard from someone you had one junior year."  
  
'I can actually feel my heart beating faster. It's hope. Is that why our relationship fell apart that year? Why I saw you a grand total of three times that year and five times since? Was it because I had a girlfriend that you cast off our friendship? No. It was probably just because we didn't have time for each other and never got around to making time for each other. We weren't close after freshman year anyway. It must have been easy, giving me up to her. Not that she held a candle to you. But you're glancing over at me sideways by now. I've taken too long to answer.'  
  
"I did, but we've been over since last summer."  
  
"Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out."  
  
"Well I'm not."  
  
'I trusted that girl and she broke my heart, she said it wasn't working. That was no reason. I was blind to her. She was perfect. I threw myself into her when I couldn't have you and it got me nothing but pain all that summer and pain fall semester before I got over her.'  
  
"Touchy subject?"  
  
Kenshin sighed. "No. It was for a while, but I'm over her now. I guess it was a good relationship for me to have gone through, character building and all that."  
  
Kaoru winced. "I guess you were the one that got dumped."  
  
'At least you're not being so polite with me now. You're just as untactful as I remember sometimes. It's refreshing having you take off your polite mask and reveal the Kaoru I knew underneath.'  
  
"It was the best thing she ever did for me. I realized afterwards that I was only using her to block the memory of someone else," Kenshin acknowledged, taking off his polite mask as well. "It still took me a while to get over her," he admitted. _  
  
_

* * *

_And I lived so long believin' all love is blind__  
But everything about you is tellin' me this time  
_

* * *

_  
_ "Awww. Poor Kenshin cried himself to sleep at night," she teased.  
  
"Can we not gang up on me?"  
  
'It's just like her to remind me that I'm weak, to throw it in my face, even though half the time she does it unconsciously. But it's a fault I can overlook, like all of her faults, because that false courage hasn't left me yet, that adrenaline high that makes me want to grasp her arm and pull her into my arms and breathe in the smell of her hair. I wonder if she uses the same shampoo she did three years ago.'  
  
"I'm sorry. You can't take the heat? We'll move on to a nicer topic then."  
  
'Even as she's mocking me, she's winning me over. Before I know it I'll have to spend another year suffering from Kaoru-withdrawal, much like I did after freshman year, when we first started to loose contact. It's weird that I've just stumbled across the fact that that's why I was so messed up sophomore year: because of her. Life's a bitch sometimes.'  
  
"Thanks, I guess," Kenshin replied wryly. "What's your idea of a nicer topic?"  
  
"Why we stopped being friends when it feels this good to be together again."  
  
'It's just like Kaoru to pick an even touchier topic. But half the reason why we stopped being friends was because I wanted more than that and I couldn't stand just being friends without blowing up at her sooner or later, or blowing up at someone else. She hadn't been ready for a relationship back then, nowhere near ready. To be honest, neither had I. I hadn't wanted to risk our friendship, but I couldn't maintain it without risking it, and I couldn't tell her that I didn't want us to be just another couple that hadn't worked out.'  
  
"I don't know."  
  
'Maybe she knew by the tone of my voice that I regretted our friendship falling apart. I hope she knows.'  
  
"I don't know either. And it's not like there's much hope for it in the future, what with us going our separate ways." Her tone was wistful. "I'm going to miss you. I've been missing you for a while I guess."  
  
"So have I."  
  
'Shit. I said that without thinking.'  
  
"Have you?"  
  
'You don't realize what a good thing you have until it's gone. Now my time with Kaoru is gone, what little time that short walk back to her apartment was. It meant more to me than she knows, than she can possibly know. I can't answer her question with more than a nod. The silence is awkward, at least for me with her staring at me like that. How am I supposed to say goodbye to her?'  
  
"I guess this is goodbye. I'll see you at graduation?" Her voice is heavy with disappointment, but she still has that bright smile on her face, that not even the deepest city night can dim.  
  
"Kaoru I was in love with you freshman year," Kenshin said in a rush.  
  
'A light gasp isn't the reaction that I wanted, but I'll take what I can get. I've got to let her know now that I'll probably never see her again. She deserves to know.'  
  
"And sophomore year, and junior year even though I tried to forget about it with that other girl."  
  
'There are tears in her eyes. Are they for real? Are they for me?'  
  
"I don't know what to say," she stammered out, looking up at Kenshin with wide eyes.  
  
"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know."  
  
'So she hadn't felt anything for me back then. Turning my back on her is a little easier, but not much. At least there are no bitter feelings. I know she would have tried that kind of relationship for me back then if I'd asked. But, it would have been forcing myself on her. We probably would have hated each other by now. It was better that had I let our friendship fade away until we could talk like this tonight. Now I knew she didn't care for me that way.'  
  
"Kenshin, I still love you."  
  
'Did I hear her right? The warm palm of her hand is on my arm, stopping me in mid-step from walking away from her. It's the first time she's touched me in a long time. It takes all my strength to turn around. Wow. I didn't know I had that much left in me.'  
  
"I didn't think you loved me, so I didn't say anything, and then we started drifting apart," Kaoru trails off for a moment, a far away look in her eyes. "And I heard you had a girlfriend, so I gave up on you."  
  
'For so long, so long I have wanted to do this, to hold you in my arms and kiss your lips. I've had years to dream of what you would taste like. You taste better than all those dreams. The feel of you is better than all those dreams. I wish I didn't need to breathe.'  
  
"Do you still love me, Kenshin?"  
  
'She doesn't know? I would never have kissed her if I didn't. But I didn't tell her, did I? I just said I used to love her. You'd think after three years I'd have rehearsed this moment enough to tell her those important words. I can be such an idiot sometimes.'  
  
"I never stopped loving you."  
  
'That has to be the corniest, most uncool, most disgustingly sappy thing I have ever said, but it makes her happy. And somehow, by some streak of luck, we make it without hazard up to her apartment and by some miracle her roommates are away in D.C. and we have the whole place to ourselves. I never would have dreamed things would finally turn out right because of a stupid reunion dinner that Aoshi had forced me to plan.' _  
  
_

* * *

_It's forever __  
This time I know and there's no doubt in my mind__  
Forever, until my life is through, girl I'll be lovin' you forever  
_

* * *

_  
_   
"Do you think we can make it last somehow?"  
  
'It's hard to believe that we're in the shower the morning after something momentous and she's letting me wash her hair. But if she's already having doubts, maybe this is too good to be true. Me in her life would just mess up all the carefully made plans she told me last night over dinner, plans for her future that I don't figure in to.'  
  
"If I didn't think we could make it last, I would never have done this, Kenshin."  
  
'She's all confidence. I wish I could say the same for myself. I'm supposed to be the cool one, the rock in the relationship. It's looking like I'm going to do a lot more leaning on Kaoru, than she on me.'  
  
"You didn't just do this to keep me around, did you? Because I don't need sex as bait to stay around you. I want you to know that," I say firmly.  
  
'She has to believe me on this.'  
  
"Of course I didn't have sex with you just so you would stay with me! I'm not some insecure little child who needs that kind of assurance. I trust you. You're word is good enough for me."  
  
'I'd forgotten that about her, how trusting Kaoru was, sometimes too trusting. But that was how she made friends. I knew about twenty people who would kill me if they found out what was going on between us. Hell, my friends would do the deed personally.'  
  
"Thanks for helping with my hair, Kenshin. I'm getting out now. Coming?" 'It would be best if I came before Kaoru decided to take it upon herself to make breakfast for me. I know she hates cooking. Hopefully, her roommates don't and keep the cupboards supplied with some manner of food or another. French toast sounds great right about now. Kaoru will enjoy it.'  
  
"Sure."  
  
'How did I get so lucky? After all these years and all that angst and last night I still can hardly bring myself to believe that she loves me.'  
  
"What did you have planned for today?"  
  
"I was just going to spend it with you," Kaoru answered, looking a little confused.  
  
"No, I mean, before I came into the picture."  
  
"Back into the picture," she corrected. "Just studying at the apartment. Since my roommates are gone it's actually quiet. But now I just want to catch up with your life."  
  
'How did I ever let this girl go? What was I thinking for the three years we isolated ourselves from each other? The only thing I'd done right that whole time was not come crawling back to Kaoru after the girlfriend from junior year had dumped me. That would have made our lives and our relationship too twisted and pain-filled to ever blossom into something like we had now.  
  
What had I told myself to be able to let go of her? That I didn't need her and she didn't need me? That we were both better off alone? Yes, that was what I'd had to tell myself to begin the process of breaking away from her. I'd promised myself that we were both better off alone and that I wouldn't go back to her until I was completely over her, until I couldn't cause her anymore pain than that she'd felt when I'd shunned her and pushed her away from me. How my friends had hated me for a while when I did that to her, but I'd convinced myself that I could stand alone, that she could stand alone. And I'd done such a sucky job at it that my friends had convinced me to get a girlfriend, which I had, junior year. Of all the failed, botched, miserable attempts at getting over a girl: that had to have been the worst in history.' _  
  
_

* * *

_I hear the echo of a promise I made__  
When you're strong you can stand on your own  
_

* * *

_  
_ "You're going to spoil me."  
  
She grinned. "Probably, but you could stand a little spoiling. Besides, it's not like I don't want to do it. After three years, I feel like I'm high or something and you're one of my deluded fantasies. You're going to have to try hard to get away from me now, you realize that, right?"  
  
'A sugary kiss, and she's got her answer. I love the taste of French toast, syrup, and confectioner's sugar on her lips. My new favorite food.'  
  
"You can't just kiss me all day," she protested. "And while I love kissing you, the kitchen table is a really uncomfortable place to do it."  
  
'Darn. Why are women so good at evading the grasping hands of men when they want to be? Couldn't Kaoru have been the exception to the rule? Just my luck I had to fall for the quickest girl of them all. But maybe it's not so bad after all, because the couch where she's made herself comfortable is as good a place as any to kiss her. God, I must have the dumbest look on my face staring at her. Hopefully it won't make her question the intelligence of the man she's let into her bed.'  
  
"You're right, the couch is much better," Kenshin agreed with a lecherous smile.  
  
"Hey, other people sit on this couch, you know. I wouldn't want to sit on a couch people had slept together on."  
  
'Pouting is very unmanly, but I can't help it. Does Kaoru have to be such a tease? I mean, who could resist her sitting there in nothing but a robe? One thing was for sure, I wouldn't be able to for long. When did I turn into a sex addict?'  
  
Kenshin sighed. "What do you want to talk about then?"  
  
"You. How's your family been?"  
  
'That's another thing I like about Kaoru: I can talk to her and not feel like we have to be doing something sexual to be in love. And she always wants to hear what I have to say to her. She wants to know everything about me, and her questions make me see my life in a different light. I'm even able to sort out my feelings on the different issues and problems that have shaped who I am so far. That may sound corny, but it's true. Sure, I'd rather be listening to her talk, but if it makes her happy then I'm all for it. How I ever thought I could go it alone is a mystery to me, and seeing how much she needs me makes me finally understand why my friends were so angry at me for pushing her away.' _  
  
_

* * *

_But those words grow distant as I look at your face  
__No, I don't wanna go it alone  
_

* * *

_  
_ "Hey, Himura, congratulations. I didn't think you had enough guts left to tell her, especially with it being finals week. You're usually a giant ball of nerves by now."  
  
'I love you too, Aoshi.'  
  
"What can I say? Kaoru's good for me."  
  
'Sano's languid steps pad up behind me. No doubt he's trying to scare me again. Hasn't he ever heard the saying – Once bitten, twice shy? There's no way I'm going to let him pull that stunt on me again.'  
  
"Don't you agree, Sano?" Kenshin asked pointedly, turning sideways to keep both men within his view.  
  
Sano laughed sheepishly. "Damn straight. Seein' as you and the missy are finally together after four years, three years of not talking, are you going to pop the question anytime soon?"  
  
'Pop the question? What question? He can't mean marriage. Aoshi isn't looking at all phased by this; of course he never looks phased by anything. Sano does mean marriage. I can't support Kaoru. I barely even have a job set up for after graduation. Besides, she won't say yes and there's no place for us to live. And we're too young to get married. It takes all my strength to keep a cool head under this situation.'  
  
"I don't think Kaoru wants to get married now," Kenshin answered slowly. "He didn't say you had to get married now. He only wanted to know if you would be engaged soon."  
  
'Shit. Attacked by both of them. Aoshi, you traitor!'  
  
"But-"  
  
'But I don't want to get married right now, I can't help but wail inside. I'm only 21. I haven't even been able to drink for a whole year yet! I'd always planned on enjoying life for a bit once I got out of college, maybe a nice cruise to a tropical island with girls in bikinis. But none of the girls would be Kaoru, so it wouldn't be that fun, still it was a dream.'  
  
"No buts, Kenshin! Did you think you could just get into her pants and not marry her?! This is Kaoru we're talking about! To be honest, I'm surprised you went to bed with her before marrying her first! She's a chick with class!"  
  
'What level have I sunk to if I'm being scolded by Sano, the man who's in debt by a thousand dollars to his girlfriend and certainly wasn't planning on paying it back or marrying her for a few years? There's nothing to do but hang my head in shame and defend myself with everything I've got.'  
  
"Megumi's a classy chick too Sano, I don't see you throwing engagement rings in her direction."  
  
'Okay, so that was a sad comeback. Hey, I'm under great stress.'  
  
"I'm not sleeping with, Megumi, Kenshin."  
  
'He's not?! After all that bragging and gloating about how far he'd gotten with Megumi and now he was confessing that he hadn't slept with her after all! Even Aoshi snickered, which was completely out of character for him. Maybe Aoshi's not so bad after all.'  
  
"Point taken," Kenshin said with a smile.  
  
'On second thought, maybe Kaoru does want to get married. I could definitely include her in my dream of a summer cruise to a tropical island after all. A honeymoon maybe?' _  
  
_

* * *

_I never thought I'd lay my heart on the line__  
But everything about you is tellin' me this time_

* * *

"I can hardly believe we're done with finals and graduation is only two weeks away," Kaoru sighed. "I'm going to miss the apartment and the girls I roomed with. It was a good year."  
  
'Personally, the year sucked for me until she came back into my life, but I wasn't about to ruin her nostalgic attitude with my pessimism. That wouldn't be a wise course of action at all, especially since it was better to let her talk while I gathered my courage. Luckily, she hadn't seemed to notice I'd been extremely nervous on the phone when I'd asked her to meet me in the park. In truth, it was more realistic to wonder how she had **not** noticed. I mean, I don't usually stammer in normal, everyday conversation. A glance around the park and it's all clear. No one around to witness my botched attempt at courtship.'  
  
"Kaoru."  
  
'She must have heard something different in my voice, because she's looking a little apprehensive. Deep breaths, Kenshin. Deep breaths. Remember the technique Mom taught you for when the stress starts getting to you. Just keep breathing and you'll be okay. Now get your ass off the bench and get down on one knee. Easy now, easy. Okay, now get the box out of your pocket. No, your left pocket. Relax, you are not going to lose something that costs that much money. Okay, now look Kaoru in the eye and open your mouth and talk. No, Kenshin, talking is when you use your vocal cords to make vibrations understood by other humans.'  
  
"Kaoru I know it's soon and our relationship is still new," Kenshin paused to breathe. "But I already know what we have is forever."  
  
'Now open the little box, Kenshin. No, the _other_ side of the little box is the side that opens. You're holding it upside down.'  
  
"I love you. Will you marry me?"  
  
'Okay. She's staring down at you like you're crazy. This could be good, but it could be bad. Just wait and give her your best version of puppy dog eyes and hope she snaps out of it soon.'  
  
"Yes," Kaoru managed in a choked whisper, throwing her arms around him after allowing him to slip the ring on her left index finger.  
  
'Score! Yes! I lived through the proposal! If that was this hard, I don't even want to think of what the wedding's going to be like.'  
  
"I just hope your dad's not too offended that I called him on the phone to ask him if I could ask you to marry me, instead of asking him in person."  
  
Kaoru laughed. _  
  
_

* * *

_It's forever __  
This time I know and there's no doubt in my mind__  
Forever, until my life is thru, girl I'll be lovin' you forever - yeah!_

* * *

"We're so proud of you, Kenshin. My baby boy has graduated from college!"  
  
'Yup. My mom is officially embarrassing. But I can forgive her for that on a day like today.'  
  
"And we watched for Kaoru in the ceremony too. She certainly is a pretty girl. I can't wait to meet her."  
  
'Did she say that loud enough? Nope. I don't think she did. Only the people within a fifty foot radius heard her. If only Mom's hugs weren't so powerful, I would be able to respond to her instead of slowly suffocating.'  
  
"His face is turning blue, honey. Let him go."  
  
'Saved by Dad. I'll have to get him something extra special for Father's Day. Meanwhile, it's always nice to get the hang of breathing again.'  
  
"Thanks, Dad," Kenshin grinned. "Does this mean you're not too upset with me for not telling you about her sooner?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now honey," Kenshin's mom scolded in a warning tone.  
  
'Parents. It's not like Dad really minded. Soujiro might be the only one to mind. Little brother's can get like that. Thankfully he wasn't a girl, or things might have gotten worse. It's too bad Misao's a girl though. I'll have to make it up to her sometime before the wedding or else she'll feel even more left out than she does now. Girls.'  
  
"Where are the twins?" Kenshin asked either parent, not really caring which one responded.  
  
"Misao went off to find some guys, and Soujiro went off to stop her," Kenshin's father said, not at all pleased with his daughter's activities.  
  
'Whatever guy she finds, I'm going to pound him into the ground if he lays a finger on my baby sister, and then I'll pound Soujiro into the ground for letting him. What was Dad thinking letting her go? Of all people, I would've thought he'd know better.'  
  
"Kenshin," Kaoru's voice came from behind me to the left. "Introduce me to your parents."  
  
'I couldn't help but turn around to look at her. She's beautiful standing there in her graduation robes. I love her lips, her hair, her eyes, her face, her body, her expressions, her habits, her strengths, her faults, her eyelashes, her fingers, her toes. And I can't wait to show her off to my parents now, and to my brother and sister once they get their asses back over here and to the rest of my family and all of my friends and the whole rest of the world.' _  
  
_

* * *

_ Oooh__I see my future when I look in your eyes__  
It took your love to make my heart come alive__  
Cuz I lived my life believin' all love is blind__  
But everything about you is tellin' me this time__  
It's__ forever, this time I know and there's no doubt in my mind__  
Forever, until my life is thru, girl I'll be lovin' you forever__  
  
Yeah_

* * *

**  
A/N – Well there you have it. Just for the record, I have never heard the song _Forever_, by KISS. The site I stumbled across for song lyrics was only for 80s music. I figured that was appropriate enough since I was born in the 80s. shrugs Tell me what you thought. I'm proud to say that I've never written anything like this and I'm happy with my attempt at a songfic. I was up from ****2am-6:30am**** writing it. I had to get it out of my system or I knew I might never finish it.**

**Review if you so please. Thanks for reading.**

**Aryanne**


End file.
